🎙 69. Are You Existing in Survival Mode? Regulating Your Nervous System at Work and Through Uncertainty

podcast

Mar 26

the spiritual 9-5 podcast transcript

🎧 Listen on Spotify
🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

Episode Published on March 26, 2024

Transcript:

Intro to the Intro

This episode is a bit of a nervous system introduction and breakdown to, kind of, level set on the role the nervous system plays in so much of our lived experience, but particularly in the workplace and in relationships and in reference to perceived threats like layoffs.

My goal is to leave you inspired and curious to reflect on your own nervous system composition and the things in your life that have contributed. Because if you take anything away this week, it's not fight or flight or freeze or fawn. It's much more nuanced and personal than that.

Intro music 🎶

I believe that working can be one of the most spiritual paths that we walk.

Whether that work is turning your passion into a business, or sitting behind a desk for eight hours a day, or anywhere beyond and in between. And yet, we often take the way in which we show up to work for granted, even though it's where we spend the majority of our time.

Here on The Spiritual 9–5 Podcast, we talk about that. We talk about entrepreneurship, we talk about the 9 to 5, we talk about what it's like to be multi-passionate, and talented, and inspired, and also utterly demotivated.

We are here to support you in your work, whether your work is sacred to you, or just something that you do to get by. We are here to help you see and know yourself a little bit deeper, and to inspire you to show up no matter what it is that you find.

I'm your host, Marie Groover, and like you I am as multi-passionate as they come. I'm the founder of two businesses that are here to bring the soul back into the office. I, too, work a 9 to 5 in corporate tech.

I'm a surfer, a writer, a philosopher-artist, if you will, and I'm so excited to bring you this episode today. If you haven't, please leave the show a 5-star rating, and if this episode resonates, consider saving it and sharing it with someone you think it would resonate with too.

Intro music fades 🎶

A huge component of self-leadership, as well as other leadership, is knowing how to self-regulate emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, and physically. It's being able to work with the nervous system and be in the body in times of great stress, uncertainty, and upheaval. As well as times such as overexcitement, stimulation, and joy.

This is important because when we are unregulated – when your nervous system is out of whack – we actually lose the ability to think clearly and to respond to situations versus react to them. This is something that I learned in my somatic training that I'm going to show you or walk you through audibly. So if you can, take your hand, one hand, it doesn't matter which hand, and make it into a fist, but make sure your thumb is inside your fingers.

So ball your hand up into a fist. Your fingers are around your thumb. Hold your hand up so you can see it.

This – your hand in a fist with your fingers wrapped around your thumb – is a very simplified representation of your brain. Your fingers represent your cerebral cortex, the outer part of your brain. This is your thinking, your planning, your decision-making functions.

If you lift your fingers up and you see your thumb, your thumb is your limbic system. This is your emotional response.

Beneath your thumb, so directly under it, is your wrist. This represents your brainstem. So your brainstem is the oldest part of your nervous system, and it's the first piece of your brain to develop when you are an embryo.

The brain develops in platforms. So first the stem, then the limbic, then the cortex. Again, this is very simplified. The stem, your wrist in this example, is the part that is always looking for safety.

Safety is a basic human need and requirement. So if you close your fist again, every day you have access to all three of these parts, your cerebral cortex, your limbic system, and your brainstem. When a threat is perceived and you are triggered, this is where the term flip your lid comes.

I don't actually know if this is where it comes from, but you flip your lid, as they say, aka the cortex goes off. The cortex literally goes offline. So you can, if you still have your, if you still have your hands in a fist, you can lift your fingers up, and that's quite literally what happens, and all you're left with is the limbic system and the brainstem, aka all you're left with is emotion and survival.

So I'll say that again a little bit more clearly. When a threat is perceived and you are triggered, you lose access to your cortex, aka higher level functioning in your brain, and all that's left is emotion and survival. When we get activated in this way, we do not have access to higher brain functions, and we move only into emotional emotion and protection, okay? So when you're leading yourself and leading others, if you want to lead from a place of higher processing and function, you know, thinking and deciding clearly and rationally, you must learn how to regulate yourself.

And here's the kicker. If we were not taught how to regulate our nervous systems as babies, we likely don't know how to regulate ourselves as adults. What this can look like for a baby is a calm, emotionally regulated, and stable parent holding a child when the child is dysregulated – so crying, yelling, acting out.

This physical touch goes beyond the skin, and the regulated or stable nervous system of the adult actually co-regulates the chaotic nervous system of the child, and it brings the child's or the baby's nervous system back into balance. If you don't remember experiencing this as a baby or as a child, you've probably experienced this as an adult. The same thing applies.

So if you've ever been distressed, and then someone gives you a really good hug, you suddenly feel calm and stable. That's co-regulation.

So like, babies and children literally cannot regulate their nervous systems by themselves. They are not capable. So when a baby or a child is dysregulated, which could be a little baby experiencing a big emotion and crying, or it could be a child getting overstimulated during playtime, and playing suddenly turns into fighting, they actually need help coming back to stability. So ignoring or yelling is really not teaching the baby or child how to regulate because it forces them, or we think that it's going to force them to figure it all out on their own. Which again, they don't have the capability to do, at least not yet.

Now, if you think back to your childhood experience, were you received softly by the adults around you when you were experiencing big feelings? Or were you ignored? Or were you shamed? Were you yelled at? Were you told to be quiet? Were you expected to know what to do to take care of yourself?

Many of us never fully received co-regulation, depending on the parenting philosophies of our parents; depending on our parents' ability to be stable and regulate themselves; depending on culture; depending on circumstance; depending on a lot of things. And if we never fully received this, we are actually underdeveloped in this area, which is okay, by the way. Most of us are. This is super normal. People who are grown adults and fully regulated because they learned through childhood think it's very rare.

And the beautiful thing is that we can learn and grow and redevelop these functions. And it's not our parents' fault, by the way. They did the very best job that they can. And if you're a parent right now and you're like, oh shit, I let my kid cry every single night all the time, or I never pick up my kids or whatever, it's okay. There's no need to fret.

But do think about it, at least for yourself. Ask yourself, were you received softly? Were your parents calm and stable or did they contribute to your emotional dysregulation? Were your parents emotionally unstable, unpredictable, irrational? Was your environment psychologically safe growing up? Did your parents incorporate touch or did they instead only use reasoning or verbal explanation?

These are all things to just think about and to know, and again, it's no one's fault, right? Most of us, rather than learning to regulate, we've learned to cope, to distract, to numb, to take messy action. We've reverted to perfectionism. We've learned to explain, to shut down, to focus on others, to be toxically positive, and the list goes on.

A lot of us do these things and more rather than regulating our bodies and regulating ourselves.

And y'all, I've worked with many fully formed adults and fully formed adults in leadership functions who lack the ability to fully self-regulate. And what that looks like is: performance, perfectionism, machismo, dominance or power struggles, attempts at intellectual justification, always needing to be right, reactivity or temper tantrums or manipulation or manipulation masked in corporate culture, and culture that is not truly psychologically safe for others.

But maybe we can't point to exactly what's going on. Because if you don't know how to create and source psychological or emotional safety for yourself, you definitely cannot hold that kind of safe space for others.

And I have a theory that this inability to self and co-regulate is one of the root causes for bad corporate culture on all levels. I think it's one of the root causes for this feeling of dread that we all experience from time to time at work. And it's why I chose to train formally in trauma-informed somatic coaching versus other coaching mediums, though I did also study executive coaching, hence the blend.

So today we're talking at a high level about the nervous system and through this I want to inspire you to begin to pay attention to your body and your nervous system. To establish some awareness, recognizing that there's a lot more nuance than you might have expected.

And next week we're going to talk about why safety is so important because safety is the underpinning of the nervous system and safety is underrated. So we'll talk about what to do about it aka methods for regulation and cultivating safe environments for others. That's next week.

This week I would like to invite you into awareness. So the contents of this episode were inspired by the tremendous number of layoffs that are and have been happening over the last two years.

I talked a bit about this in last week's episode but the main reason I'm sharing this content now is because I want to help where I can. And helping you connect with your nervous system and source safety from within yourself as opposed to outside of yourself is a game changer.

So whether or not you've experienced layoffs, whether or not you've noticed them in your periphery, whether or not you give any Fs about them because they've not affected you, this episode is valuable. But/and let's talk about layoffs directly for just a moment.

Layoffs, regardless of if you are the one laid off or among those who remain or if you're a decision maker facilitating reductions, they're traumatic. Layoffs are traumatic experiences. Or they can be traumatic experiences. We love to talk about trauma from an interpersonal childhood development or relational perspective but we shy away from talking about the trauma inflicted in the corporate or working realms.

I think that this may be because we have all just kind of accepted that corporate or 9 to 5 type employment is “what it is,” it is what it is, or it's just business. But I don't think it has to be that way and I think the future of the working world has higher standards in terms of personal and business accountability, especially in leadership.

Also, 100% of business is people. It is interpersonal. So to ignore this part of business is to be really bad at business. I mentioned earlier that your brainstem is constantly scanning for safety and that when a threat is detected, we lose access to higher level functioning of the brain.

But the truth is not just that the brainstem is always scanning for safety or perceived threats, but the entire body is also always scanning for safety or threats. Again, the cerebral cortex is higher level processing, things like planning, critical thinking, decision making. The limbic system is the emotional realm, and the brainstem is our safety monitor, but the brainstem is like part of or the beginning of the nervous system.

To take this a little bit deeper, the nervous system itself breaks down into two divisions. We have the central nervous system, which is our brain and our spinal cord, and then the peripheral nervous system, which is the rest of the body. Within the peripheral nervous system, there is the somatic nervous system, which are the nerves and muscles that allow us to move.

And then also within the peripheral nervous system, there's the autonomic nervous system or the ANS. Which are the automatic involuntary responses that happen below our levels of awareness. Within the ANS, there is the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. There's also the vagus nerve.

You've probably heard of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems as fight or flight and rest and digest. Another way to say that is the sympathetic nervous system is the gas pedal for our body and the parasympathetic nervous system is the brake pedal for our body. To think of these two as either fight or flight or rest and digest is not really the whole picture. Because to take any action ever, we need our sympathetic nervous system. We need the gas. The sympathetic nervous system is responsible for mobilization, for mobilizing us. It brings energy to the body so that we can move and take action.

And then there's a range of activation to that nervous system here. So, depending on how much of it is recruited, it could mean that you're excited so there's some charge or it could also mean that it triggers some adrenaline and now you're moving into flight or flight. And when we move through our regular day, we use all of the nervous systems that I mentioned, all of these components that I mentioned as well as the vagus nerve.

Now the vagus nerve could be an entire episode series so we won't go into it other than to say that 80% of the vagus nerve is to bring information back into the brain which adds a lot of nuance into the way we look at and work with and experience our nervous systems as well as the world around us. Because again we're constantly scanning for threats, right? We're constantly scanning for safety.

What I will also say is that we have states of being that mix multiple branches or systems. So for example, if we look at the freeze response or “the deer in headlights” as many people think of it, the freeze response is actually a mixed or blended state. Aka to be in freeze, you aren't just activating one part of your nervous system and actually there's a lot of energy in the body so the heart rate might be really high but nothing is moving which means we have some sympathetic body is active, so that's the gas pedal, but the dorsal branch of the vagus nerve is also online.

You don't have to know what this means by the way. All you have to do is recognize that it's not just one system being activated, it's not quite fight or flight, it's also not quite rest and digest, it's a mix.

Play is another example of a mixed or blended state so to play or be playful we must be feeling safe yet we are energized which also indicates nervous system energy, sympathetic energy.

And then we have the states also that are commonly heard of as trauma responses. So I mentioned freeze already but then there's also fight, flight, and fawn. To solely call these trauma responses is maybe inaccurate, because we need all of these responses and we must have access to all of them at various points in our life, in our day, every day.

These responses are defensive responses in our nervous system that are built into our physiology. And for some people some of these responses have been underdeveloped or even shut down. So doing work with the nervous system or somatic therapy or coaching can redevelop these responses. Some of them are also misrouted depending on our developmental experiences.

My nervous system teacher actually does a lot of this kind of work. So one example of work that she does is working with women to restore the fight response. So working with women to be more assertive, to set boundaries to fight back. It’s something that she talks about doing quite a lot of. And this example, but many other examples, are what I was talking about or referring to earlier when I mentioned that our nervous systems may be underdeveloped from our experiences in childhood. And learning, or not learning, how to co-regulate.

You see this also in attachment theory. You know the attachment styles like avoidant, anxious, secure. And then there are some nuance within those categories as well where we have anxiously avoidant and things like that. Well, somatically you can map those attachments back to our nervous system experience and development. So for example our attachment style somatically will show up as a pattern of sometimes clinging, sometimes pushing away.

So like anxious would be clinging, avoidant would be pushing away. Personally, I am mostly secure attachment now after many years of work, but my blueprint is avoidant. And avoidance can translate to more of a flight response when there's intimacy or when there's connection that doesn't feel safe which for an avoidant attachment almost any intimate connection doesn't feel safe. This is rooted in our childhood experiences where if we learned that connection or intimacy is not safe from our caregivers then we will perceive connection or intimacy as a threat even into adulthood. And so it will trigger our nervous system to react in this case flight or avoidance and this is not just in our romantic relationships by the way.

We talk about attachment styles when it comes to our romantic relationships quite a lot, but this also comes down to the way that we show up in the workplace, the way that we show up in our families, the way that we show up with our friends.

And our ability to connect with say eye contact or touch or sharing is developed through learning how to co-regulate so learning that those things are safe, that it's actually safe to make eye contact with someone else. That it's safe to touch or share touch or share knowledge or information or emotions.

And again in order to self-regulate as a child, we first have to learn how to co-regulate. Which means that we're dependent on our adult caregivers to teach us. So if we were children and it wasn't safe to touch, for example, going into adulthood touch is going to be really triggering to it will activate our nervous system. Similarly, if it wasn't safe to make eye contact with a parent making eye contact with someone will trigger our nervous system.

So why does this matter?

One: all of this is to say that the nervous system is quite nuanced and it isn't all about how we respond to trauma but how our nervous systems blend and work together to create healthy, stable presence in the world, in accordance to how safe we perceive the world to be. Each of us has a different perception of environmental and world and social safety, based on how the nervous systems developed.

Something important to note with that is that we can all at any age or any point in time grow in our capacity for connection and our ability to accurately perceive safety and environmental threats. We can all at any age or any point in time learn how to source safety from within ourselves and regulate ourselves – this is important – we are not doomed, but awareness is key.

So, for a moment bringing it back to layoffs, layoffs are a very real threat like the possibility of running out of money, or losing a home, or things of value or connections with others is real. And during a season of layoffs, people are faced with this reality which for damn sure triggers the nervous systems. Like all of our nervous systems probably could use some attunement. Like every single one of us every one of you who's listening, just in general, myself included.

But add the stress of layoffs to the mix again, whether you're laid off or you made it through, it's a big disruptor. It's really important to be able to acknowledge how what is happening to you affects your nervous system and reactivity. And it's really important to be able to mend and repair and redevelop bits, and to source safety from within ourselves, rather than what is around us.

An example of sourcing safety externally or from what is around us would be to place safety in your job or in your paycheck or in money itself when those things can, yes contribute to your lifestyle and life and experience of living which can feel very safe, however, that's not the full picture. And when you lose your job, or your paycheck, or your money, in order to move from a rational mind you have to be able to source safety from within yourself when you're in a toxic corporate environment you have to be able to source safety from within yourself. You have to be able to self-regulate so that if you've lost a job you can get back on stable footing, so that if you're in a toxic environment you can still move through peacefully.

The truth is that many people, regardless of layoffs to be honest, many of us are living in survival mode or survival states or in highly activated nervous system states. Now when we're in a survival state, regulation is your main path out of this. At least in the circumstance of navigating layoffs or simply a corporate workplace, if you're being attacked by an animal regulation is not what you need. You need your fight or flight to be activated. Which also means that you need your nervous system to be fully developed in order for you to trust it.

But, back to the survival state of say a layoff or a corporate workplace, when you can regulate yourself that's also how you can lead yourself through uncertainty, through feeling tremendously out of control, through potentially really horrible and scary life circumstances, real or perceived, So understanding how your life and your situation is impacting your nervous system is crucial. Understanding the state of your nervous system is crucial. And awareness is where all of this begins.

So, that was a bit of a ramble, but I hope that this inspires you to think about your nervous system and the nervous systems of others, and safety and regulation and how your job or lack of job triggers responses in your physical being.

I hope that this inspires you to think about your family life and your childhood experiences and, that, and how those have shaped you. In your levels of activation or reactivity or areas of shutdown, or particular responses that are maybe more online than others.

Next week we're going to talk about safety a little bit more deeply. We're going to talk about why safety is so important, because safety is the underpinning of the nervous system. And safety is so underrated in every scenario but most especially in the workplace.

We'll also talk about what to do about it, aka i'll give you some real tangible methods for regulation and cultivating safe environments for other people. And it will be a little bit more applicable and actionable than this particular episode.

For those of you who were around last week I mentioned a giveaway for five free one-on-one with Marie spots the link to sign up is in the show notes it's live - yay! 🎉

And it's just a form that you fill out that will put your name into the hat to receive a free session.

We're going to hold this open through the end of April and we will select and reach out to those who are chosen the first week of May. This is my tiny attempt to offer support to those who may be needing it right about now so please fill out the form if you're interested please share this episode and last week's episode in the form itself with anyone who you think could benefit you never know what a difference it can make.

Outro music 🎶

Thank you so much for listening to The Spiritual 9–5 Podcast. I'm your host Marie Groover and I am beyond honored that you are here. Please follow, save, and rate the show and if you can, share your favorite episode with a friend. It makes the world of a difference.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. I would love to hear from you what you think about the show or my work, so don't be shy.

And I'm always here to connect and support you or your business through coaching, team building, and leadership development. You can find my work in the show notes.

Until next time, Big Love.

Outro music fades 🎶

___

Shownotes:

Are you living and working in survival mode? The truth is that many of us were not given the tools to live or work in any other way.

This episode introduces some elements of your nervous system and talks about how regulation can be your main path out of constantly feeling in fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

Whether you’re navigating layoffs or the average corporate workplace, you need your nervous system to support you in the cultivation of stability through often unstable scenarios.

Episode References:

1:1 with Marie Giveaway Form: https://bit.ly/3VqHSCE

Links:

Marie Groover https://www.mariegroover.com/

The Corporate Psychic https://www.thecorppsychic.com/

Essential Teams https://www.youressentialteam.com/

Connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/cmariegroover/

Join the Mailing List https://thecorppsychic.myflodesk.com/e7bmhjidj4

The production of this episode was in collaboration with Lyndsee Nielson. See her work here: www.lyndseeloves.com